Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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