My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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