Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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