The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
