Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
