She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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