I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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