she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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