Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
