SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
