He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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