Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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