I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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