it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
