so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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