He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize