me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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