I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
