I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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