He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
