I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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