So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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