My brain says no but my pants say off.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
