I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
