We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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