The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
