sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
