The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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