When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
