New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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