I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
