Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
