3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
