just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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