i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
