im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize