Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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