If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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