I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
