my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
