i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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