If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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