im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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