Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
