hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
