Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
