Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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