hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
