i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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