people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
