I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
