btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
