One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
