everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
