marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
