I'm laying in your front yard are you home
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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