I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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