billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
