please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
