We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
