Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
