I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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