new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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